College Being

[Editor’s Note: Although all opinions expressed on College Being are those of our individual authors, we were paid a fee to write the following article. This fee will not influence our opinions.]

Here is what happened on this week’s episode of Glory Daze for those that missed it. If you have not seen the series, be sure to read our introduction to this great show here.

The local radio station is having a phone-in contest to give out free General Public tickets. Joel and his roommate miss it by one, but Stankowski managed to be the right caller. Unfortunately, he is too stoned and thinks he is ordering pizza. Joel is sent to get tickets and joins Christie in line.

Meanwhile, Damon learns that the frat’s national chapter is sending an advisor within 24 hours to check up on them. Damon sees it as a time to prove to the national chapter how well they are doing. All the fraternity brothers present start cleaning and fixing up the house. Eli, Jason, and Brian are tasked with getting Stankowski sober and keeping him away from weed.

The advisor shows up early and gets a tour of the house. Everything goes smoothly. He meets Eli, Jason, and Brian who are “road blocking” Stankowski’s room. Jared, the advisor, goes in and talks to Stankowski. Stankowski cleaned up nicely. Everything goes well.

In the morning, the fraternity boys go into the advisor’s room to find him doing naked yoga with his wife on the phone. They comment on his large “package” and remember that The Beast, the enormous beer bong machine, in out in the back yard. The advisor leaves to speak to Professor Haines. Joel managed to get concert tickets. He helps move The Beast but it accidentally rolls away and hits what they believe is the advisor’s car. The concert tickets are given up in exchange for towing and fixing the car.

When the advisor gets back from his talk with Professor Haines, he suggests they perform the fraternity’s Harvest Moon ritual using the very old Omega Sigma book passed down from generations. Damon has performed this ritual many times before, but he has only performed his own made-up version of the ritual and not the correct version. As the ritual is being performed, all hell breaks loose: Damon does not say the correct lines and stumbles through his part in the ritual, Stankowski runs away to get stoned, Hector’s (the little person) goat gets high and rams into the advisor, the very old Omega Sigma book is thrown into the fireplace, and Stankowski gets caught smoking pot.

The advisor calls Damon a disgrace. Damon leaves to go get drunk. Joel goes after him and gets Damon to come back after refusing Damon’s request to punch him in the face. When everyone is back at the fraternity house, the advisor announces that he is going to remove their letters (effectively expelling them from the fraternity). Damon takes responsibility so the advisor kicks him out of the fraternity instead. All the fraternity brothers stand up Spartacus-style, and say that the advisor will need to kick them out too. The advisor promptly does so and announced that they are now back to where they started.

Professor Haines comes in. He lets the advisor know that he did a little background research. It turns out that the advisor has multiple wives, a finance, and many sons named Jared Jr. Everyone comes to an agreement that the fraternity and all the brothers will stay active.

Be sure to catch Glory Daze Tuesday nights at 10/9c on TBS.